


Cherry Contact (Eruri One-Shots)

by hangege



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Battle, Character Death, Drug Use, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Levi bottom, Long-Term Relationship(s), Loss, Loss of Virginity, M/M, NSFW, One Shot, Ratings: R, Relationship(s), Romance, Smut, Violence, aot - Freeform, attack on titan - Freeform, eruri - Freeform, levixewrin, mlm, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28924836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hangege/pseuds/hangege
Summary: just some eruri (Levi & Erwin) one shots for the soul <3TW // will contain smut, fluff, angst, possible violence, drug use, etc.
Relationships: Levi & Erwin Smith, Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	1. Thin Walls - Eruri Smut

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jin_bestgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jin_bestgirl/gifts).



> Sara, this collection of work I wanted to dedicate to you because you are my favourite content creator on the entire app and your attack on titan and eruri videos bring me so much comfort and joy and there is no way I can thank you enough. if you wanna react to any of these on your tiktok or make skits about them feel free! I give you full permission to cry alongside us <3 thank you Sara! -Nero.
> 
> \------------------
> 
> PSA This chapter contains smut. warning.

!!SMUT WARNING!! IF YOU ARE UNDER 17 PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!!!

duo writing project , semi-inspired by Mistakes like this by Prelow

* * *

It was about mid day in Wall Maria, the sun was beaming and the sound of citizens socializing echoed through the semi open window of Commander Erwin Smith’s dull office. He didn’t lend an ear to the happy people in the streets enjoying their peace and solidarity within the wall, because Erwin’s mind was completely drifted from the outside noise. He had spent the whole time he was suppose to be working thinking about the male’s small figure wrapped around him in an embrace. Thinking about his whiny moans he heard a while back on accident. Thinking about the time where they had to shower together. Erwin’s mouth began to salivate as his mind constantly drifted to Levi. 

“oi, oi, oi, Erwin” Levi interrupted. He welcomed himself inside the office, making his way to the ‘high and mighty’ Erwin. Levi noticed something off about Erwin, watching him as he got closer to Erwin, Erwin became more and more flushed. And with a smirk on his face, Levi walked around his desk and sat himself down on his lap, feeling his hard member grinding against his own. “I see,” the shorter male teased, “You’re hard.” a smirk appeared on Levi’s lips, curling up even more as he began to move his hips. “Levi..,” he breathed out, his breath hitching as he continued to grind. Erwin wanted so badly to give in but the dull yellow walls were thin. “Levi, y...y’know i want this so badly,” he stuttered, “Don’t play me...like this.” Levi wanted him so badly. His thick cock filled his mind, hypnotizing him. “Erwin, I know you think about me,” he seduced—although Erwin was already under him. Levi's hips began to pick up the pace, rolling them back and forth as he grinded, Watching Erwin crumble under him. Watching the blond male shiver at just a measly touch gave Levi so much power, it was impossible not to take advantage of it. But that shift of power was over once Erwin grabbed a hold of Levi's biceps. 

“On your knees, now,” he demanded. Levi didn’t know what came onto him but he listened right away. Without hesitation, the man was on his knees, laying his head on Erwin’s thick, muscled thigh. “As much as you’re a tease, you’re also as obedient as well,” The blond smirked, looking at Levi’s small figure. “Unzip me,” he commanded. Levi rolled his eyes, grabbing the Commander’s zipper with his pearly white teeth and zipped it down with force. Erwin never let his eyes leave the smaller mans figure, Patting his tiny head as Levi threw off his Corps gear, his belt and then his pants. “Are you sure about this?” Levi mumbled, staring at Erwin’s plaid boxers in front of his dark grey eyes, making him turn a thick shade of red. “You can’t tell me you’re backing out now, Levi” Erwin said, grabbing his hair profusely in his large hand and he leaned down to Levi’s ear level as he remained on the rug with his knees on the floor. “About five minutes ago you came in here willingly wanting to suck my cock, are you changing your mind because you’re scared?” Erwin whispered in his ear, sending a shiver through Levi’s spine as he shook his head. Erwin chuckled and moved his lips away from Levi’s tiny ear and stood up back up slowly, "Good. That's what I thought.". Erwin stood up straight, deciding to lean against his desk while waiting for Levi to haul down his boxers, holding a firm smirk on his face.

Levi snarled, glaring up at his lover with annoyance written all over his chiseled face. “You’re a fucking menace, Erwin.” he cursed before ripping off Erwin’s boxers and felt his eyes widen at the sight of Erwin’s gigantic, hard cock in front of his eyes. He looked back up at Erwin, biting his lip before watching Erwin’s large finger point to his cock quickly. “Now.”

Before he knew it, Erwin’s cock was shoved into his mouth, his reaction time delayed as Erwin’s member entered his mouth. A loud, satisfying groan escaped from his lips as Levi's tongue wrapped itself around the shaft of Erwin’s cock. His dick was so intimidating. the tip constantly reaching the back of Levi's throat as he was faced fucked by the Commander. He didn’t hate it any less. In fact, his lust grew even more. This was the rough dominance from the Commander that he never felt, yet everyone else has.

Trying to keep himself quiet, Erwin bit his lip and threw his head back in a lovingly pleasure. He knew better then to let himself slip out a moan that everybody in the building would be able to hear. The walls were so thin sometimes Erwin could hear Commander Hange, who’s office resided next door to his, think. He couldn’t let himself slip once or every bit of his reputation would be ruined by Levi’s soft lips against his hard cock. As Levi’s grip on his cock got firmer and more and more pleasuring, he felt his face go red as he covered his mouth with his hand, his head almost being in a perfect line with the office door as Levi sucked harder, and faster on him. “L-Levi” he groaned quietly, his eyes rolling back into his head. He was finding it hard to be quiet, the pleasure was too much for him not to stand there and pretend he hated it because he was Entranced by Levi’s love grip, the way his mouth moved against his tender cock could send chills down a man's spine for days. 

As Levi’s mouth was occupied, he could feel the twitching of Erwin’s cock, knowing he was gonna cum soon. Erwin threw his head back, feeling his eyes shut and his throat tingle as Levi kept going, sucking hard and harder while jacking him off and watching Erwin’s movements from a glare as Erwin’s mouth held itself open, trying to push back a moan but there was no use. A large and loud moan ripped from Erwin’s mouth as Levi got faster and faster, a load of cum shooting into his mouth. 

The warm liquid traveled down Levi’s throat but some residue was dripping from his mouth, traveling down the sharp edges of his jawline, ending at the chin. His erotic face gave Erwin and sense of enlightenment. Seeing this harsh, stoic male go through many emotions in just minutes was such a feeling to him. He wanted to see this more often. SUDDENLY, the door flung open. There they were. Hange Zo ë . 

“For **fucks** sake!” Levi screamed, grabbing Erwin’s arm and pulled him quickly underneath Erwin’s large, oak desk and threw him his boxers and his pants before wiping his face off with his handkerchief and throwing his face against his head. “Good job idiot” Levi hissed, helping Erwin pull up his pants as Hange ran towards the desk and threw their hands against the stained oak.

“I CAUGHT YOU, FINALLY” Hange exclaimed, a huge goofy grin on their face as they grabbed both Levi and Erwin by their ears, Erwin’s pants only half way up his large thighs as they both turned four different shades of red between the two of them. “I KNEW ONE DAY I WOULD”

Erwin looked at Levi with a grim, upset pout on his lips as Levi glared up at a very gleeful Hange and scoffed under his breath as he grabbed Hange’s wrist and flipped, then twisted it over so they had a lose grip on the two men and body slammed them onto the couch. “You scumbag” Levi growled, raising his fist before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Levi, it’s okay”

“But- Erwin-” He pleaded before being silenced by Erwin who had thrown his large finger against Levi’s lips. “Sh. We both knew it was gonna happen anyways” Erwin said with a large smile on his face, Levi brushed Erwin off, walking with pure rage in his steps away from Erwin and Hange towards the large door and turned to give his lover and best friend a death stare, before slamming the door behind him and stomped down the hallway. 

Erwin looked at Hange, who was sitting slouched on the light yellow couch giggling like a happy but psychotic child. He scratched the back of his neck in shame, standing in the middle of his office awkwardly as Hange finished their giggling fit, then looked up at Erwin with a smile on their face. “He will never let me live that down, huh” they said, standing up and patting Erwin on the shoulder as they also left the office, saying in glee before they left;  “Now i can confirm to the Erwin and Levi are-actually-not-just-comrades-but-dating-club- that our suspicions were true! YES!”

Erwin slapped his face, watching Hange leave as he cringed from embarrassment, but smiled at the thought of what had just happened and continued back to his work.

  
  



	2. As The World Caved In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the newest episode of AOT: S4, and chapter 103 of the manga & the song 'As The World Caved in' by Matt Maltese.
> 
> \-------------------------
> 
> As Levi and the Survey Corps battle within Liberio, Levi thinks about Erwin and how to take down his sworn enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by Nero! (@nyliumn on twt)
> 
> The new ep rlly got me in the feels so I felt like writing about how much Levi shows us that he thinks about Erwin, and how his legacy will never die. <3
> 
> Tweet me or comment your thoughts!! thank you for reading <3

Nothing felt real to Levi anymore.

  
  


Not even standing in the middle of Liberio square, feeling the Eldian and Marleyan people walk alongside him as he stood, silent in the middle of the bright square, as the noises of cheerful people enjoying the town’s very first festival rang through his ears, but he remained numb. Not even as he felt Hange’s warm hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of his deep trance, jolting him to turn his head quickly towards the beaming scientist.

“Levi, we have to get going, the others are waiting up ahead.”

Levi looked back at all the happy people in the square, the ecstatic sounds of families and children eating ice cream and baguettes filled with cream as people in costumes roamed the streets and the sound of mindless childrens games consumed cheerful child giggles, thinking so deeply about how tomorrow will play out it hurt his head. Will it go as planned? Will it fail? He couldn’t shake the feeling that Erwin would hate the idea of this, hate the idea of them pretending to blend in with the enemy. Or would Erwin stand alongside him? Would Erwin lead them all into their deaths?

“Levi?”

“Tch-” Levi snapped out of it again, brushing off Hange’s warm hand from his small but broad shoulders and began to walk away, wrapping Erwin’s cloak around him underneath his long black coat as he walked towards the others all happily eating ice cream and enjoying the festival together as their last night in hiding had come to a close. Tomorrow he would do everything he could to make Erwin proud. 

* * *

  
  


Levi watched like a hawk from inside the rubbled building, His sword drawn close to his chest as he watched Eren from the corner of his furrowed eye, taking into account how stupid this battle seemed up until this point. Levi glared at all these soldiers fighting the enemy, and wallowed in silence for a moment, thinking about what Erwin would do in this situation. Would he hide like a coward like he had been doing right now? Levi slammed his head against the wall behind him, taking his gaze off Eren and focused it on his now trembling hands. 

“Erwin.” He whispered, “You fucking idiot.”

In thinking about Erwin, he thought about their last moments together. He thought about how he had convinced him to go out there and fight for his life outside of Wall Maria, how he had told him to fight for the soldiers who had lived and who had died. “ **_Give up on your dreams and die_ **”. Why was he so stupid? Erwin could still be alive if he hadn't convinced him to fight that battle, but Levi doubted if Erwin would ever agree to this plan. Being in the middle of a battle, would Erwin be standing in front of him to convince him to fight or would he be along side everybody fighting with all of his might? He looked up, swearing Erwin’s conscience was standing aforth him with that small smile on his stupidly soft lips telling him to fight. Telling him, “You have the hands of humanity on your conscious now, Levi. Fight for it. Fight for the people that would have given their all to be in the spot you’re in right now. You are humanity's strongest soldier, fight Levi.”

As tears welled in Levi’s dull grey eyes, he felt the ground underneath him shake and Eren scream. As snappy as he could turn around, the Jaw Titan had been sunking his disgustingly metal teeth into Eren’s shoulder with no remorse. Levi swore under his breath, grabbing his ODM and clipped new blades into their holder. “Tch, how many times do i have to save your lame ass, Jaeger?” he hissed, clipping the ODM anchor onto the nearest building and flew out of the rubbled window, swearing as he turned to look back at his hiding spot, he saw Erwin standing there with a proud smile on his bloody, pale face. His urge to fight growing stronger and stiff as he sliced the Jaw’s fingers apart with a thunder spear and his blades, retreating back onto a remaining stand from the debris of the once stage quickly as heavy footsteps shook the ground beneath the battle ground the Corps and Marley stood upon with a hulky rumble as Levi turned his gaze from Eren and to see it, his biggest enemy. 

**_The Beast Titan._ **

Levi’s eyes widened, losing his breath completely as his heart began to pump at what felt like a million beats per second, feeling his breathing became shallow. _Him._ The one that killed all of those innocent soldiers and Commander Erwin all because of that stupid child. The son of a bitch that made him lose his best friend, His Erwin. Rage swelled inside Levi’s chest cavity, his sharp jaw locked as he gripped the sword holder in his palm, the indent of the hard plastic leaving a deep red cavity in his tiny palms as rage travelled through Levi’s stocky body as his steadfast and penetrating grey eyes met the Beast Titan’s rheumy, demonic red eyes.

“It’s Coming.” Jean cursed to the crowd of soldiers that had gathered next to Eren, gripping his blade close to his waistline as he inspected the new enemy they had all drawn their focus upon, Even Eren had turned to look in despair, but no fear creeped upon him unlike the other soldiers among them. 

Levi closed his eyes, promptly and quietly thinking of a plan to use as more soldiers gathered around them, waving an arm to Jean, Connie and the other soldiers to follow his lead as he briskly anchored himself onto a rooftop, putting all of his might into charging towards Zeke.

He turned his head to see everyone else behind him, Zeke’s booming voice as he spoke to Cart and Jaw Titan cutting the soldiers ear drums as they charged, each soldier having the same ambitious looks in their eyes with a small hint of fear gleaming between each newer soldier as they charged with might and survival for their people.

“ _Don’t die, Survive!_ ” Levi called.

  
  


After the first thunder spear charge, Levi quickly retreated to a small dull and cold rubbled area nearby in despair as soldiers around him died left and right from the Cart and Beast Titans. He slunked down onto the filthy, seemingly solid ground, Levi’s eyes widening with panic as he covered his eyes with his sweaty, bony hands and allowed himself to let out a quiet sob. He had forgotten in the heat of the moment about the countless nightmares he’d been having since the battle in Shiganshina, the memory of the passing breeze from each rock Zeke had been throwing, damaged soldiers all around the pair as Levi gave Erwin the final battle plan, begging him to fight and give him on what he had dreamed of, Erwin’s booming voice and the sound of fearful soldiers as Erwin gave word of their plan, the screaming soldiers as they died that he heard from the wall, Erwin’s dead body on the rooftop, his final words, Levi began to shake as he pressed his back against the rubble and held his face in his clammy hands. 

He had completely forgotten how much pain he truly was in from that day, how on that unfateful day he had lost everything again. He had lost his Person, the one person that he would trust to give a command that he could follow without hesitation. Levi rested his head against the cold stone, rationalizing how pointless and silly it felt to act when there was only a small chance Zeke could die from any blow or cut they made to him or his titan because of his titan ability. He couldn’t think of one single way to defeat the man that killed the only person in this fucked up world he felt safe with, that he felt at peace with. It felt like just another chore to fight him, like it had when he was younger living in the underground with Kenny. But this was a great bundle of worse pain than living in that prison, having to kill for a bite of solidarity from his Uncle. 

And in a sickly way, he was glad Erwin never saw him like Kenny had seen him. Levi never showed his true colors like he had with Erwin with Kenny in the few short years he lived with him, because all Kenny had cared about was training Levi to be the best. There was no time to express how you felt in the underground, it was a kill-to-survive world under there and Levi had become thankful Erwin saw potential in him, Isabel and Furlan and was able to rip them from that horrible, sick and twisted world. Erwin knew more about Levi’s life then even Hange. And since Erwin’s death, Hange had come into his office every night, bringing some new work they had started or a baked good they had made with some of the other soldiers and sat under the stars atop of the window frame with Levi, talking about everything else but how Levi had been feeling, regardless of how persistent Hange was each night for Levi to talk with them about how he was feeling. He couldn’t give into it, There were no words to express how much pain he was in. 

As more tears fell down to his chin, he felt the ground underneath him shake and the sound of ODM gear squeak around him, Levi closed his eyes, hearing Erwin’s voice in his head, his beaming smile and a heartfelt memory of before they had left for Erwin’s final battle, how Erwin had cheered on his soldiers atop the wall to the crowd below with pure excitement within him. He thought about how Erwin’s blood stained cloak wrapped around his tiny frame felt like He was there with Levi in the rubble, like his warm, large arms were wrapped around his small frame in his uniform. The one place he felt so much comfort in, safety in. As he sat against the rubble, he held Erwin’s cloak around him tightly, the trace of Erwin’s lingering smell filling Levi’s pointed nose with gleaming joy as the sound of Beast Titan’s voice echoed through the empty streets of the destruction. 

  
  


“ **Come out Levi, Time is running out you know.** ” The voice boomed, sending Levi’s tear filled eyes now overcome with rage as he looked up against the dark sky. He wiped his eyes, dropping the sword he had forgotten that he was holding to the chiseled concrete ground and checked his pocket watch. Fuck, he had been a little over his time to sneak away from battle to plan a strategy. 

Levi swore under his shaking breath, picking himself back up after wiping off his face with the handkerchief Erwin had gifted him years ago, looking down at his reflection in the shiny, sharp blade on the ground, letting his graze carry for a moment as he saw Erwin’s face alongside his own rough reflection.

**_“ **D** on’t give up on your dreams, Levi” _ **

And as quickly as Erwin’s face had appeared, it left again, and Levi was left alone to watch as more and more soldiers died from the rumbling, the mass destruction of Eren Jaeger leaving an entire colony in severe despair. And all they could do was use the motivation they had left in their souls to save humanity, to kidnap Zeke Jaeger and bring him back to Paradis. He picked up his blade from the dark concrete rocks that were once an Eldian residence, raising his chin to the sky with glory as he gently smirked. He pressed his slender fingers to his lips, rasing his hand to the sky before taking off to end the Beast Titan and kidnap that fucking monkey for the sake of humanity and saving more of his friends from dying.

As he pulled himself into the sky, he saw a puff of fire among the distance and closed his eyes with ease. _Armin_. Finally that brat had remembered his que, he watched from the shadows as everybody’s gaze tore from Eren holding the War Hammer Titan, and their ongoing battle to watch the blast, frozen with fear as Armin’s blast blew throughout the city. Levi took this as his sign to act, moving swiftly towards Zeke with primal, passionate anger as he charged towards him, quickly and swiftly ripping open the nape of his neck, pulling back as Zeke fell, standing back watching with absolute renewal as his titan corpse dropped to the ground with an echo of meat and bones as Levi flew back down from his retreat and landed softly on the soft head after his set back.

He pulled out a grenade from his waistband as he landed onto the meaty,furball that was Zeke Jaeger, hearing a soft cry coming from a small voice as he snapped his head towards the voice and saw two kids with a Marylean soldier standing next to the corpse with horrified looks on their faces.

He noticed them, but paid no mind to the three looming about, adjusting his hand in the blade holder towards the nape of Zeke’s neck as his expressionless eyes widened, his blades had been broken from how aggressively rough his cut was on Zeke’s body. Levi adjusted his eyes, gazing back to the three standing along the sidelines, the soldier now gripping the two children close to his maggoty old body with fear filled eyes as they watched Levi undo the safety pin holding the grenade together and dropping it before flying back into the air before it could explode. 

As he flew away, he noticed the Jaw Titan watching from a building, mouth agape but Levi hastily threw himself into the air and swung himself away before the ugly bastard could make a move upon him. As he flew away from the massacre, he couldn’t help but smile a little. He had defeated the one person he had felt so much rage towards after months of bottled up fury, he had finally succeeded at the one goal he had since that fateful day he took away Levi’s person.

As he looked behind him, he noticed nobody was around the Beast, all of them moving towards Eren, he stopped his anchor, twisting his body around frantically and moved towards Zeke like a shot of lightning. The cool wind swept his hair back and made his ears numb from the cool summer night chill, but he had felt nothing but released relief from his smooth, verifiable moves. 

A small smile creeped onto his pale, thin lips, noticing Zeke’s blown up corpse below him and Hangji with their escape blimp approaching as he secretly moved to collect Zeke’s rotten body,making sure Erwin’s cloak was away from the arm he would grab Zeke with so the rotten, filthy blood and steam from that monkey wouldn’t touch him, or the cape.

After grabbing Zeke and clipping himself onto the blimp, he moved and watched the battle underneath him finally cave as Eren threw the Jaw Titan’s body around like a ragdoll, sticking the War Hammer titan’s encasement in his mouth and raising it above his head to consume the inherit, with no hesitation whatsoever.

“Stupid brat” Levi mumbled, noticing Jean catch his gaze as he signialed Jean to let the others know they were leaving as he approached the blimp and threw himself inside.

After he had successfully gotten in, he brushed himself off, wiping the blood from his hands and suit off and adjusted the cloak back to its proper place, throwing Zeke’s body against the back wall of the blimp and turned as the cockpit door swung open and out came Hange, with a goofy smile on the scientists warm face. 

" _Levi_!!! You did great!! We watched you from up here and let me say, that was almost better than when you sliced him to bits last time we saw him!!” Hangji gushed, their hands balled into happy fists against their face as they kicked their legs into the air and danced happily.

Levi moved his gaze from a very happy Hangji back to Zeke’s recovering corpse at the back of the blimp, a tearful glaze taking over his sharp, now solemn eyes as he felt a hand rest upon his shoulders, his instincts telling him to move his arm to touch Erwin’s hand, but his trance was snapped by Hanji’s falt voice behind him.

“Erwin would be proud of you, Captain.”

  
  



	3. Alone To The Extremities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment in the silent office between a lover, a comrade and a Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to @queenjincos on tiktok for this idea, i took the main premise of their headcanon but twisted it to make it more angsty and to really capture the moment of these angels. <3
> 
> -Nero
> 
> @nyliumn on twt

  
  


Erwin’s office was always cold.

  
  


He had never enjoyed a warm environment when he worked, claiming he found it very unsettling and uncomfortable to work in a warmer climate, especially if it was a meeting held in his office. And when his fellow comrades would complain, he would simply smile with content, commenting; “At least our brains can stay focused on the tasks at hand now.”

Levi loved this side of Erwin, only because sometimes even when the pair hid away in Erwin’s small quarters, laying side by side in the small bed made for one, the room would have a mild coldness to it, which allowed the two to hold each other tighter beneath the silk white sheets of the older man’s davenport. Erwin wouldn’t admit out loud to Levi that he was cold, but instead, frequently shivered beneath the covers, knowing Levi would always dig his defined jaw into his lovers chest and let small warm breaths from his thin lips warm Erwin’s body with ease.

These days, the bed was cold and it drove Levi crazy. Laying underneath the clean, pearl sheets, Levi rubbed his index and thumb between the crisp silk fabric they had once laid under together and allowed himself to imagine Erwin was laying next to him with his large, toned arms wrapped around the smaller man’s form. 

He would kill to have that back.

On the crisp fall evenings, after all of the work for the Corps had finished, and everybody tucked into their own corners of their designated buildings or had dinner together in the mess hall, Levi snuck into the office building, making his way up the shallow oaken stairs and found himself standing in front of the door to Erwin’s still, perfectly in place office. Nothing had been touched since the last time Erwin was in here, the night before they took over Wall Maria.

The night before Erwin’s life was taken away from him.

Their last night together.

Levi gently placed his thin hand on the silvery doorknob and hesitated. He had almost begged for his steady hand to open the door and see Erwin sitting in his desk, eyes away from his papers to gaze out the window behind him at the sunset and following, the stars, his stars, or just to see him smiling again as Levi entered, but having to face the truth, he knew there would just be a cold, dampy and empty office that held the memories and smells of Erwin Smith behind this door, and that physically broke him everytime he thought about what was waiting for him in there.

He took a sharp breath, the handle frisk against his palm as he pushed down the handle, the large oak door opening with a squeak and within seconds, a puff of cold air slapped Levi hard in the face. He swore under his breath, cursing Erwin for always having his office this bitter when it had been almost winter and stepped into the empty, photographic office of a once Erwin Smith and imagined his lover sitting there like he always had, his sandy, freshly cut blonde locks and those icy blue eyes perfectly placed at the large, rusty brown meeting table that was settled in the middle of his office. The green fabric chairs and the large wooden chair Erwin sat at for all their meetings still in their places around it. Nothing had changed.

The papers from their last meeting still remained in the left corner of Erwin’s uncluttered, and unoccupied desk, Sitting there among documents, Corps bills, maps of the area, future plans, and more ideas as Commander laying in lines admist the bottom, following closely by with a small, framed photo of himself, Erwin and Hange after their first mission sitting dead set in the top centre of his desk. Levi picked it up in his bony hand, shaking profoundly as he pressed his fingertips against Erwin’s framed face and shifted his eyes to the tiled wooden ceiling with external hurt written in his mournful eyes.

“God damnit, Erwin” Levi said under his suddenly shallow breath, holding the framed photograph to his chest as he closed his eyes, taking small breaths as he breathed in Erwin’s clean, herbal scent that straggled about the air and allowed few, bitter tears to run down his cheeks as he hugged the frame gently.

Catching his breath once more after a few moments, he opened his eyes and noticed Erwin’s blood stained cloak hanging on a thin hanger in the open wardrobe, standing tall against the pale yellow wall. Levi could barely stand from the growing numbness of this never ending grief, but pushed himself to take small, unsteady steps towards the wardrobe with the framed photo still pressed against his chest. 

As he approached, he reached his hand out to touch the dusky, soft fabric of Erwin’s cloak and rubbed the material against his fingertips as more tears fell off his chubby cheeks. With solemnity, Levi took the cloak off of the hanger and wrapped it around himself with his free hand, the scent of Erwin’s last wear still hanging tight to the cloth as Levi pressed it against his nose and let out a quiet sob. This is what he had missed.

He shuffled back over to Erwin’s terrifyingly neat desk with the picture and cloak against him as he collapsed onto the hellishly uncomfortable chair and finally pressed the two items closer then he could to his body, tears flowing so quickly from his dark sockets, sight was barely visible as he wept into Erwin’s cloak. 

It had finally felt like Erwin had been wrapping his large, strong arms around Levi’s tiny but mighty form again, and as he always had done, it had felt like Erwin placed one finely soft hand against Levi’s fair locks, and the other in the middle of his beloved’s back as he whispered sweet, encouraging and helpful words into Levi’s brain for as long as Levi needed him to. Not that he wanted him to, but Erwin was always there for him when these moments did happen, as rare as they did.

The silence of the office building had been almost comforting to Levi in the current situation he placed himself in, not hesitating once to hide his feelings behind the shut slammer unlike he had done every other time he had visited, place or person he was around. He had only shown his true emotions around Erwin, and sometimes Hange. He barely had cried around Isabel and Farlan, finding no reasons to cry since life with them had felt at least somewhat worth living. And when they died, Levi only cried once. Making his tears suck back into their ducts once Erwin and the others had found him, alone with the corpses of his former best friends and the rotting Titan flesh alongside them. This moment had been his first time in years crying, He hadn’t even cried when his squad died during the Female Titan battle. Erwin knew that.

As he gently kissed the warm cloak strung along his admittedly boney shoulders, he felt more tears cloud his eyesight as he slipped out of reality and silently grieved into the silken and soft fabric against his cheek. 

Levi, being too intune with his emotional movement, hadn’t heard the large, gold-plated door open and a bright eyed Hange walk in. They opened their mouth to exclaim they had figured Levi would be here, but stopped as they saw Levi, curled on top of Erwin’s desk chair, gripping the glossy, black-and-white frame against his chest and Erwin’s cloak wrapped around him like a warm blanket and froze. 

“L-Levi?” Hange trembled, closing the door behind them as they rushed over to Levi’s side, kneeling to his eye level briskly to make sure their best friend was okay.

“Leave me alone.” He grumbled, burying his face in Erwin’s cloak as more sobs choked out from his throat, being completely unable to lift his head from the exhaustion of aggressive sobbing, and Hange’s heart ached under their ribcage for their comrade.

Hange suddenly wrapped their arms around Levi, crocodile deals welling in their hazel eyes as they wrapped their lanky arms tightly surrounding the figure beneath them. Hange rested their head against Levi’s, placing their hands in the same spots Erwin had placed his hands on both Levi, and Hange’s back as they’ve cried around him and let out a whimpering sob as the smell of Erwin drafted throughout the two.

“I miss him too, Levi. I miss our Commander.”

And as the sun set within Wall Rose, the Captain and 14th Commander held each other tight in the damp, seemingly empty office of Erwin Smith, the world beneath them shattered from the loss of someone so wonderful and who had given the two so much to live for throughout their hard, and devastating lives. The pale yellow walls of that cold office folded around the occupants behind Erwin’s desk, along with the ghostly figure of Erwin Smith as he joined in, sandwiching his suitor and his best friend in his mighty and protective arms the hardest he had ever in his lifetime.

  
  



	4. Forever Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody should have to make a choice, not even between a solider and your lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER : this is just a head canon i thought would be very fun to write about, i understand this is not canon and hope you guys understand this too!
> 
> tw/ needles, death
> 
> please do enjoy!!  
> -Nero  
> @nyliumn on twt

* * *

The warm summer wind blew through the stale air, the crackling sound of fire echoing off the empty walls of Wall Maria as small ashes blew around in the smoky air and landed gently around the Corps’s small group like fall leaves as the loud sobs from Eren fell with them.

“The one who’s going to save humanity isn’t me or the Commander, it’s Armin! Right Mikasa?!”

The nine last standing Survey Corps stood around the corpses of a once Armin Arlert and Commander Erwin Smith, each of them facing high emotions as Levi gripped the syringe case in his palm, glaring at Eren’s toothless state in disappointment as he closed his eyes and thought about the right call to make here.

He pictured Erwin, his beach blonde hair blowing against the wind as he stood on top of Wall Maria over seeing the final damages of the battle, his silk green cloak wrapped about his now abled body as Levi stood next to him, imagining Erwin looking back down at him from the battle field and smiling, saying, “Let’s go home” and once again being able to go home with Erwin, where he would plan with the Corps to get back at the enemy and living out the last of Erwin’s years with him, though any battle that they had left to fight 

But then he also saw Armin, the bright eyed boy he had seen lead his comrades to victory time and time again, bringing Erwin home to him after every battle they have conquered since the Female Titan battle. Armin was a born leader, but he wasn’t Erwin.

“ **Go.** Get out of here, all of you. I need to make my choice.”

As the others, one by one, left Levi alone with the two corpses, Levi caught Hange in a glance, their eyes glassy and scared as they flew away with Mikasa in their arms to the others last of the Nine, sending a sick realization down Levi’s throat.

Levi, Erwin and Hange were the only family they had left in this sick world. The three of them had nobody else expect each other, and what would happen if they lost Erwin now? The three of them together were all they needed for each other, and to break that would kill Levi and Hange extensively. Nothing would matter for them anymore, all that suffering would stop them from wanting to fight for humanity for at least a while.

Levi collapsed onto the roof, knocking a few shingles to the ground as Levi stared at the box in his shaking hand. How could he make a choice when regardless, he would lose either one of their best soldiers, or their commander? He couldn’t lose his family, his lover, the only person that could bring him the sense of home he never had felt before. But at the same time, he didn’t want to lose a soldier that he had grown to love, and cherish as an almost little sibling to him. Why was it always his choice to pick?

  
  


The same shit happened in the underground, he had to pick fighting or death to survive there. He had to pick so many different things just to live a somewhat normal life. Levi simply couldn’t pick which person to save anymore, he forgot how hard it had been to make a living off picking and choosing in this awful and wretched life. Losing everyone he had loved made him never want to choose between life and death again, but living like this, in this stupid, world. It was all you could do.

  
  


Levi looked from Erwin to Armin, thinking about the lives the two have both lived and felt a deep sigh exhale from his chest. He opened the small, narrow box that held the syringe in between the red velvet fabric, resting gently in its holder as Levi’s shallow grey eyes stared at it for a few moments.

He placed the box next to Erwin’s body, standing back up and attempted not to fall from how weak he had become, grabbing Berthold’s limbless corpse and dragged him to the end of the rooftop, his mind racing with the thoughts of hatred as he fought with himself to pick someone as he placed the young boy’s body on the edge and allowed himself to take small steps towards his choice so that he could grieve the other’s death peacefully.

Approaching his body of choice, he bought the body next to Berthold’s still warm cadaver, taking the syringe from it’s encasement and roughly stuck the needle into Erwin’s arm without hesitation. 

He needed this, he needed his Erwin, The commander of the Survey Corps. The fearless leader they all had loved dearly. The one that had gotten them here.

Levi backed up quickly, falling back onto the surface of the home they had been standing on and watched as a bright orange light emerged a few meters ahead and heard a sudden scream from Hange. 

Erwin’s titan form came into view, the body sunken and thin, his wispy blonde hair blowing in the now brisk wind, his boyish face sickly and pale. Erwin’s beautiful blue eyes were filled with pain and suffering as he reached onto the rooftop, grabbing Berthold’s torn up body from the slate tiles as the young boy screamed for help before a sudden splash of blood appeared in the sky, splashing the group of soldiers beneath them as Berthold’s body was eaten.

Hange appeared next to Levi, the pair watching in silence and Hange placed their hand on Levi’s broad shoulder and let out a small painful noise from their lips. “Are you sure about this?” They whispered, turning their head to the crying group of soldiers a few rooftops away as they watched Erwin eat Berthold instead of Armin being the one to do so.

Levi turned his glare to the group, then moved back to Erwin as the titan body finished the feast, falling to the ground from sudden exhaustion. “Of course I am, I can’t lose him.”

Levi pushed Hange’s hand off his shoulder, moving quickly to grab Erwin’s body that was now slowly emerging from the Titan body slumped on the ground, and as soon as he landed, Levi grabbed the man’s soft, ageless body against his and held Erwin tightly into his chest, feeling tears welling in his eyes as he pressed his hand against the olders pale face and rubbed his thumb against his cheek.

“Erwin” he cried softly, kissing his forehead in glee as Hange and Floch appeared next to him, joining the crying party as they helped remove Erwin from the carcass and bought him to the ground, all hugging and crying together as the other soldiers stood on the rooftop and watched in disappointment next to Armin’s burned body, all holding Armins body in their arms as he took his final breathes.

  
  


* * *

Back at Wall Sina, After the soldiers had buried Armin and say their final goodbyes, Levi snuck back to Erwin’s room where he had been resting from his wounds and the exhaustion of the transformation to see him for the fifth time that day, going back and forth between his room and meetings to report what had happened to the wall council. 

As he creaked open the door, he saw Hange beneath the sunshine brightening the room , sitting next to Erwin’s bedside, the bandage on their eye bloody and swollen as they turned their head to greet Levi with a small smile. Levi entered, closing the door behind him and leaned against the thin wood, folding his arms against his chest, relieved to see his family all in the same room.

“How are the kiddos holding up?” They wondered, not taking their gaze away from Erwin’s sleeping body laying on the bed, his face bright from the sunshine peeking through the curtains.

“They aren’t pleased, whatsoever. But they’ll get over it, How’s he doing?”

“Breathing well, stable. But, I wanna know something. Why did you choose him, Levi? You know his time was coming to an end sooner or later, Ar-”

“Enough. He’s our family, Hange. All the other scouts basically have families. They all have each other, and we have Erwin. I’d never count any of those brats as my family if i lost him. You can sure as hell say the same thing.”

Hange broke their gaze from Erwin and stared at Levi’s short, angry form leaning against the paneled door and smiled gently. “I guess you’re right. He’ll hate you for this though”

“Tch. He could never hate me” Levi replied sourly, pushing his back off the wall and moved to sit next to Hange, taking both of their warm hands in his cold ones as he smiled softly.

“We got him back, and he got to know what was in the basement. We fulfilled his dreams.”

Hange simpered, pressing all of their hands together and planted gentle kisses on their families hands. “I love you guys, so much” They whispered quietly, wiping tears from their one hazel eye as they got up from the bench and carried their crying state away from the pair to give them some alone time.

Levi sighed at Hange’s state, removing his turned head from the slammed door after Hange had exited, and looked down at the two men’s still intertwined hands against the pearl sheets as Erwin suddenly opened his mouth to let out a grasping breath.

“Love, I’m here” Levi gasped, moving his body from the hard wooden bench to lay next to Erwin, their hands remaining interwinted as Levi carefully wrapped Erwin in his arms and kissed his forehead. “I’m here, baby.”

“L-Levi, why did you pick me” Erwin moaned, letting out a dry cough as he moved his weak,rather sticklike arms to hold Levi’s forearms in his hands as his eyes began to flutter, his innocent blue eyes opening slowly to look up at his lover, but shutting again due to the pain.

“Sh, this is why i picked you, so i could hear you say that” Levi affirmed, placing gentle kisses on Erwin’s face as he held him tightly in his thin but still muscular arms and smiled softly down at his Commander.

“I love you Erwin.”

“..I love you too Levi”

  
  



	5. Put a Record on and Dance with me, Baby!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music was a hidden secret to those who lived within the walls, but it was no secret between these two lovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is by far, the sappiest and my most favourite piece i have written of these love birds. I really wanted to do something special with this one, and i made a HC last night about this and just fell utterly in love with the idea of nobody but Erwin and Levi knowing what music is, in very different ways, but connecting through it and AAA my heart is warm!
> 
> i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> thank you for reading! <3
> 
> -Nero

Life within the confined walls had been completely deprived of many things: dancing, television, radio, planes, cars, but most importantly, Music.

The bashful streets were constantly filled with booths covered with white clothed awing’s, the delightful smells of freshly baked goods and vegetables straight from residents garden’s gave the air a warm aroma as the sound of happy families and laughing children coming from these streets were hard to ever feel a sort of pain for living in such confinement, Nobody had thought twice about what was missing from these joyful people’s lives. 

Nobody but Erwin.

It was never a rule to not allow these things into the walls, there was enough commotion as it was to cause any grouping of curious, mindless Titans to sit outside the walls and be attracted to the happy noises of day life from within. Hell, There hardly even were any rules in the Walls, besides the obvious Government rules and the ‘Do Not Go Outside The Walls’ rule , but that was strictly obeyed by the citizens and pardoned for the Survey Corps.

Sitting in his  neat and impersonal, white walled office, Erwin Smith observed the people below his office building. They all were happily chatting amongst themselves, buying and laughing outside of his invitingly open, wide convex window. He put his ink pen that had rested between his slender fingers gently back into its holder, leaning back into his hard, barley cushioned chair, throwing his feet onto the tough, darkened, wooden desk and dreamed about what the people below had been missing.

He thought back to the very first time he had heard the thrilling sounds of music. It was his first year as a Commander, accompanied by former Commander Dot Pixys, he had been invited to a fancy ball held by the King himself, a special welcome into the protection of humanity within the walls. It was just Erwin’s type of fancy. Ball gowns and chipper black suits, fancy food platters being passed around, very expensive champagne, and the warm sounds of faint rhythms fading in the background.

The King’s ballroom had high, vaulted ceilings with golden victorian accents covering the walls with breathtaking, dark french windows along a large, sunshine yellow wall along the left side of the room as the setting sun peered through the windows and the faint colors of orange and pink sunk beautiful glossy colors onto the esqueite ballroom floor. The ceiling was vaulted, beautiful strokes of orange and brown paintings that showed the history of the Fritz family plastered on the quite large arch that held up a beautiful, glass chandelier shining with large, silver beads that glimmered the room with rainbow strokes, Giving the room a beautiful, brightening glow that allowed you to make out every pleasant face that stood around and chatted to the other guests, all holding fancy wine glasses filled with the highest produced wine from Wall Sina. The large, heavy, dark oak staircase leading to the King’s quarters was covered in a lovely maroon velvet carpet and stood out in the middle of the ballroom quite nicely as the room gleamed from the setting sun outside as happy people swarmed the warm, inviting dance floor.

  
  


The first time the thrilling Jazz tempos echoed off the walls, coming from the golden, brass record player made its way into Erwin’s ears, He had felt a sense of sudden joy he hadn’t felt since he found out about his fathers secret, The sight of the breathtaking ballroom as women in light pink, purple, yellow and blue dresses all waltzed around the dance floor as men in broad shouldered, handsome suits took their hands and gracefully swung them around to the music humming through them, their movements gentle and pure as these party goers ignored all cares in their worlds and poured their bodys into moving these ways, Erwin was mesmerized. His icy blue eyes hadn’t left the dancer’s forms for the entire song, his mouth holding a small smile as he watched with content.

He had never seen anything quite like this before. He was never taught what dancing really was, or even music had even been. Nobody had ever shown him the sweet hums of a tune or a rhythm, Both Erwin and his Father never knowing it had existed due to their isolated nature. Erwin stood alongside the ballroom floor, staring in admiration as he watched carefully, studying each person and took mental notes of the way each person, who all had been doing different swings and steps, moved and smiled while doing it. His mouth went from a smile to agape, his brain trying to keep up with how fast the thoughts were wiring as the song ended and everybody began to socialize once more.

Erwin turned his body on the annoyingly hard chair to glance out the window, his eyebrows furrowed as he watched a family of three skip down the depressing, noisy streets, moving from a booth that sold bread to a booth that sold new pairs of shoes with their baskets of collectables, laughing and smiling together without a care in their hearts. He envied that, wondering what this family would have been like if they had music flowing through their bones like Erwin had felt ever since that night at the Celebration.

  
  


Erwin threw his feet that had been resting upon the clean wood to the floor, practically throwing himself off his desk chair as he quickly moved from his desk over to the large, top-heavy, victorian cabinet that rested on a wood paneled wall in his office, throwing open the tall, aspen door and laid his eyes firstly on the record player he had stored among the top shelf, going along with a stash of new, fresh records next to it in a medium-sized grey bin. The enormous, old-fashioned music player was gifted to him by the King himself, with a small note attached to the precious, green fabric bow attached to the front of the horn. 

“ _I took a careful note of you at my celebration, Mr.Smith and I happened to hear that you had a fine eye for the party goers and had never heard the tones of music before. I made some arrangements and couldn’t resist gifting you this. This was handcrafted in 725 by a kind fellow from another Island that sent it to the palace centuries before you or I were born, I believe you have great potential with this fine crafted gift. Thank you for your dedication, Commander. -K.F.”_

  
  


Erwin had kept it hidden in the one of many, large cabinets in his office because he wasn’t quite sure how to display something so odd, and rare in his space. But in the meanwhile, being terrified Hange would take it from his office and run experiments on it. For now, it rested, dusty and special in the knick-knacks Cabinet, it’s joy hidden away from the world until he believed they were ready to hear it.

He picked it up off the shelf, it’s enormous box that held the turntable, the crank and the rest of it’s gears tightly secured together as Erwin’s large, muscled arms lifted it to his desk with a gentle thunk. He clapped his hands together, brushing off the dust that had collected after ages of not touching it and collected the small bin of Records that rested in the cabinet next to the record player. Erwin lifted and cradled the bin of records under his armpit as he shut the cabinet door, shuffling back over to his desk and laid the bin next to his record player.

He shuffled through the records, his pointer and middle finger gazing to read each one carefully as his frosty blue eyes scanned each word on every record sleeve as he thought about which album he was in the mood for. After a few more flicks through the bin, one album caught his eye, and put a firm smile on his place. 

Erwin finally took a Frank Sinatra vinyl gently out of its sleeve, popping it onto the turntable and placing the needle down onto the shiny black record as it began to spin and the happy, jazzy tunes of ‘Fly Me To The Moon’ began to belt out of the horn with a loud, joyful force. 

Erwin strutted from the front of his desk where his record player sat back to his desk chair, once again picking up his ink pen and began working on more Corps documents, feeling the brisk, autumnal breeze blow upon his neck from the large open window as he worked happily, ignoring all sudden thoughts or noises coming from below as he wrote letters and worked peacefully and joyfully as the songs played with a golden ease.

Levi stood outside Erwin’s office door, a confused expression painting his soft face as he gently knocked, waiting for Erwin to yell his usual, “Come in”, like he usually had every time Levi needed something or just wanted to see his Commander. After a few seconds of no reply, his confused expression turned into a worrying furrow as he barged into Erwin’s grim office to see Erwin standing next to the unusually odd looking box-horn thing with a weird, black disc in his hand as he turned, seeing Levi and smiled even bigger than he had been.

“Hello, Captain” Erwin beamed, placing another vinyl onto the turntable and placed the Frank Sinatra album back into its sleeve as he placed the record bin onto the floor. The faint hums of ‘Happy Together’ by The Turtles playing behind Erwin as the two stood in silence for a second.

Then suddenly, Erwin began to sing along, striding over to Levi with the remaining goofy smile on his lips as he grabbed Levi’s hands, placing one hand on Levi’s small waist, and clasping the other in Levi’s palm, shutting the door behind them with Levi’s bony back and waltzed around his office, Erwin happily singing along as well as he could have to the song, singing directly into Levi’s confused and disgusted face as the two danced around the office.

Levi had now completely forgotten why he had come here, trying to pull away from Erwin’s happy grasp as Erwin held tighter, laughing softly at Levi’s terrified expressions as he swayed his lover around the snow white walled room, the song now changing into another one on the album as Erwin stopped for a second, allowing them to catch their breaths.

“...What the hell was that.” Levi grumbled, pulling away from Erwin and folded his arms against his chest, mumbling quiet, angry gestures to himself as Erwin moved back over to the record player, changing the vinyl again to an Elton John one, the silence giving Erwin time to swiftly strut back over to Levi’s fuming body, grabbing him again but now wrapping his protective arms around Levi’s perversely slender waist as the familiar tunes of ‘I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues’ began to fill the room helplessly.

“Like this,” Erwin gestured, moving his strong hands from Levi’s waist to unfold Levi’s arms from his chest and wrapped them around Erwin’s muscular, warm neck. Levi felt his face grow hot and flustered as he felt Erwin’s safe arms wrap around his perfectly narrow waist and the pair began to slow-dance once again as Erwin started to sing softly into Levi’s ear.

Levi had heard music once or twice before, remembering his first few times hearing it when he and his mother lived in the hotel in the underground. The performances had happened every Saturday night in the lower area of the hotel, and after Kurchel was finished working this day every week, being so tired and worn out from her long day but still took a tiny, malnourished but bright eyed Levi to see it whenever she could. It was something Levi cherished about his mother, how she always came home frustrated, worn out and lazy from work but always managed to make time for her son. After Kurchel had gotten sick, leaving Levi alone to sit in their bedroom and watch her die, each Saturday night he sat against the musty, windowless wall and listened to the soft vibrations of people singing along and the gentle piano play as tears welled in his eyes and he dug his head in his knees.

Levi pushed himself tall on tiptoes, resting his head on Erwin’s shoulder, pushing back tears as he listened to Erwin sing the sweet, gentle words in his ear as he closed his eyes and thought about how special his life had become now that he had Erwin. He would cherish his moment in his soul forever, marking this as one of the many times he had felt Love towards someone since everyone else he had ever loved died. 

Levi felt a small smile cripple onto his soft lips as the song ended, feeling Erwin peel Levi’s head from his shoulder and he stared into Levi’s teary, nearly colorless eyes with his striking, sparkling blue eyes as he planted his plump, rosy lips onto Levi’s and the two shared a passionate kiss as another love song faded in, and they danced until the sun went down.

  
  



	7. Seven Things I Hate About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How could the only thing thats killing me make me feel so alive?"
> 
> Erwin is weighing the burden of Levi's endless gratitude, making an offering Levi just can't bare to phantom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> / TW : death
> 
> I HIGHLY suggest grabbing a box of tissues for this one, you'll need it.
> 
> a huge huge thank you to fran for helping me write and edit this, and helping me write something this painful. xoxo
> 
> and thank YOU for reading!
> 
> <3  
> -Nero

There were a million things Levi loved about Erwin.

He could spend countless, countless hours listing every little detail about the 13th Commander that drove him nuts. From the tips of his hair to the bottom of his feet, there wasn’t a single thing Levi hated about him. Not even his earnest yet stubborn personality could draw Levi away from him. 

Levi’s mind always averted back to the first time he had thought such brainwaves about the handsome individual. In the beginning, he was confused. He knew that having romantic feelings for another soldier that was a complete higher power than him was already a problem itself but having feelings for a man was a different problem. 

Levi wasn’t religious. He was far from that but he knew homosexuality was a sin and if it was a sin then it was against the law.

That stressful day led the two straight into Erwin’s office, both worn and tired from the long day of idiotic children and thoughtless Titans. They found themselves in their usual places on separate sides of the space. Levi who always took refuge on the ugly couch placed in the middle of the small room and Erwin behind his desk gazing out upon the window, watching the gloomy streets below. There was a tight frown fused to his lips and a heavy tension in his brows as he began to unravel.

Then came the tension. A sudden argument of seemingly angry bullshit spewing from Levi ’s mouth per usual. But more passive aggressive than normal this circumstance,

“You’re a fucking idiot, Erwin.” 

The commander turned his attention to the male. Just from his body language, he could tell Levi was angry. But for some reason, Erwin felt that today Levi was much more irritable. He didn’t know why until it hit him. 

Erwin, in a sorrowful tone, responded, “And so you’ve heard. Hange is my next choice, I simply am unsure I can keep this going on further,” gesturing to the forelimb resting beneath his clothing.

He began to quickly regret speaking with Levi about his consideration to retire from the position. The dark atmosphere began to make Erwin nervous about his choice to tell Levi, of all people, about this. They wallowed in silence as their tired minds wandered to things unspeakable in their powers. 

To ease the silence, Erwin spoke up. 

“It’s nowhere in your power to dictate what I can and cannot do. I think that now,” Erwin paused, letting out a breath to prepare himself for what was going to come, “I think that now is my time to leave.”

“Erwin-,” Levi called out, avoiding contact with his superior. A build-up of disgust began to rumble in his gut. He threw himself upright from the uncomfortable cushions and locked his diminutive eyes on the now silent Commander. A sudden tight and agitated lock began to build up within his insides, riddling him with fear of it suddenly becoming slush. 

_How selfish was this idiot to consider stepping down?_

Rage began to control the fear, his body becoming taken over with a bubbling acid that seemed to fill his body and piece his brain into panic mode. His serious gaze remained locked on the tall figure that now towered over the gripping feeling of rage. 

Erwin had turned to now face Levi, breaking the silent eye contact with Levi as he watched him crumble. He just didn’t have it in him to face the perfect man he had gathered such strong feelings for. Just by his harsh words alone, it killed a spark inside of Erwin’s chest that had lingered for years. The grasping feeling of love that lingered within Erwin was gone, just like that. In a way, this helped Erwin. If he wasn’t going to retire, it could only mean he was closer to death. And with Levi’s harsh words, Erwin would have no trouble getting over him. 

Swallowing the acid that found its way into his throat, Levi’s trembling hands found themselves onto the soft fabric, gripping the edge of the couch with such force it felt as if the couch could break beneath him. Levi pushed back words that rested on his tongue that he wanted to scream. Words so harsh and vile, there wouldn’t be any way to take them back even if he didn’t finish. Words that would lose their meaning as they flowed from the skin of his lips that had collected blood to the surface as he bit them, holding back the harrowing fraction of sentences that begged to be released from the creaves of his dry mouth.

The silence hung within the gap between them, hoisting the cold silent glare Levi had glued upon Erwin’s motionless stature since the moment the words slipped from his thin lips. It was almost laughable to him, that subtle feeling. 

Erwin could practically feel Levi’s rage from behind him as he carried his icy eyes back to the window, carefully watching the people below collect together and venture back to their warm cottages filled with loving families waiting for their arrival from long jobs and countless exchanges. His chest grew warm, thinking happily about the amount of freedom he could finally have without the looming dread of a military branch he could feel was losing faith in his title.

The dream within Erwin, his fathers dream, was dying in the cracks of his broken soul. Each year as he grew another age older, not fulfilling that hopeless dream his father had begged for him to inherit, he lost more and more faith in the thought of the dream. He often would find himself thinking about ways of how he could possibly pass down the inheritance of this dream to a fellow comrade. But how complicated would that get? Would his comrades share the same dreams as he did, as his father did?  
  


Finally breaking his observance from the chipped windowsill, he turned on a tight heel to find Levi with his hollow head thrown against the olive cushion. His pale, soft fingers balled into tight fists resting against the fabric as he let out quiet, bitter sobs onto the cushion. The twist of Levi’s chest sent fire though his bitter bones, down his spinal cavity and sucked all the air out of his furrowed chest as he pushed his head on the couch as if a gun was being pressed into his skull.

Erwin once had the privilege to grace his fingertips. But seeing them closed up, he knew that there wasn’t more to come. Those moments were over. 

Collecting himself after a considerable amount of minutes, the words seemed to ball themselves together on Levi’s tongue and form the sentences he had been pushing back into his throat, the words that seemed impossible to even say in this state. As he slowly lifted his head to stare upon his lover ahead of him, the stinging in his chest turned into everything he onced loved about Erwin since the first time they had met all over again. The times Erwin had gripped his lover against the wall and passionately made love to him throughout the night in _that_ room. Every locked door, every gaze, every embrace. It all came to him in sudden waves, pushing more tears divulged from his sunken sockets and fell like a sudden leak in a dam.

  
  


“Erwin...,” Levi was able to weakly make out, “I h-hate you.” 

The silence came again, hesitating itself before swirling around and engulfing the pair like a sudden rush of a cold, salty wave against the bare skin. Riveting and painful was the feeling lingering against the ivory walls as the sudden breeze of an open window hit Levi’s face with impact. Silence remained.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Silence.

Erwin moved from the window, slowly pacing his feet to shuffle towards Levi’s hunched form on the large couch, holding his arm tight against his waist in sudden dishonesty as he inched closer, and closer to the crying hierarchy. The empty, silent space seemed to close in between the broken pair as Erwin’s thigh hit the wooden arm rest of the couch. There was a sudden pause,hesitation.

He had hoped his hand would extend and touch the warm arch above Levi’s spine, his knowledge of the spot placing tiny bombs in his mind as he thought about the numerous times his large hands had rested there while his soft lips found Levi’s empty expression against bed frames, walls and doors. He slightly wanted to wonder if it still remained as warm as freshly baked bread.

Erwin thought about every moment that had led up to this one. The moments where Erwin had to allow himself to pause and reflect on the choices he had been making since the first day he met his Captain.

_Would the sacrifice be worth the loss?_ Erwin thought, finding his quivering hand moving in a slow position towards Levi’s hunched form. Unsure where it would touch the land. But before he could find out, Levi cruelly flicked away Erwin’s hand. 

“I hate you, you know,” he cursed, standing up from the couch. His back was turned towards him as his dried tears glistened from the sunlight. “You’re selfish. You’re...you’re,” but Levi couldn’t finish. The pain pulsating against his chest was knocking the wind out of him, drying his mouth as he struggled to catch his breath. His head began to get lighter as his breath grew at a slightly faster rate. 

  
  


“I’m simply doing what I have been expecting.” Erwin said, keeping an apathetic expression to hide the agony. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Levi replied, carrying himself off the couch and began to walk to the door, “Just...just don’t talk to me for awhile.” He twisted the door knob,hesitantly hoping for Erwin to stop him. But there was nothing. Levi knew it was over. He took his leave and walked down the empty hallway. 

_He’s just so_ **_selfish_ ** _. Too_ **_determined_ ** _to think about anyone else. But_ **_reckless_ ** _enough to almost get himself killed. And even when he holds me, it still feels_ **_empty._ ** _It’s probably because he’s_ **_insecure_ ** _. And even with all those flaws, he’s still_ **_selfless_ ** _._

“I hate him. I hate him,” Levi murmured under his breath. He was trying so hard to convince himself but nothing could work. Levi wanted to get over him as quick as possible but he knew love didn’t play that way. Time was such a nuisance to him. 

He averted his thoughts back to his mother. Thinking about the way she would hold his small, malnourished body against her own barely warm and hungry form as she softly hummed him sweet lullabies in the darkness. Levi would press his head into her breast, full of gratitude as he allowed his eyes to doze into a soundless rest in his mothers embrace. He had felt so safe in her arms, so secure and loved. He had felt the same when Erwin had held him like that; the same comforting way in the cold, sweat-soaked sheets as nightmares crept into Levi’s slumber and allowed him to take in the embracing arms of his lover, feeling like the world could collapse but here he would be, in the arms of no one but Erwin fucking Smith. 

A dream of his since the day they met.

Stumbling tiredly down the long, lantern lit hallway, The glowing sunset crept through the peaks of scattered windows as Levi fell onto a wall and slowly placed a shuddering hand against his face. Every moment in that godly forsaken office crumbled and shattered his body completely, pushing him to the floor with an empty rush of a breeze.

Erwin had picked death over him.

  
“If I hate him so much,” he paused, “ **_How can the only thing that’s killing me make me feel so alive?_ **”


End file.
